To be seen as inconsistent probably is one of my many fears. I always get emotional every time someone pointed this to my face. They actually didn’t blame me for it, but it disturbs my ego. My ego on being ideal.
But no one is ideal I believe.
During my last session, we spent 1.5 hours just to talk about this inconsistency. One example for sure about this, is to share to public on life with mental health issue. Many times, I saw people share about this in super romantic way. They seem so comfortable to embrace it, and made many of my surroundings thought that having mental health issue is really cool.
It is not.
To be honest, having a blog dedicated for my wandering minds and my mental health is terrifying. My mind is filled with intrusive thoughts on how people would comment about my posts. How people will judge me on what I share. How they will laugh about it. Basically my head is filled with my make-believe evil thoughts. But I feel that I need to write it and share it properly somewhere.
So I decided to be inconsistent from my past view of not openly talk about this.
My shrink told me, it is okay to be inconsistent. Because from the very first place, even my brain is indecisive. And the mood swings too often.
But again, I don’t want it to be a justification.
So I discussed this further with a friend.
He told me, it is okay to be inconsistent. Because being one takes so much courage, and it means I’m brave enough to admit that I have different point of view from my past self, and I’m brave enough to spit it out.
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