On Being Technical.

Depression is like your allergy towards 40 kinds of food. It won’t be lifted up fully. But it’s controllable. And through this post, I want to share on how I am being technical on controlling my depression :

Do not self-diagnose yourself. 

This is important. A friend of mine who happened to be a psychologist told me, that self-diagnose could lead to self-labelling. What he meant is once we thought that we are fit in to ones category, we will try to fulfil ourselves there. And we make-believe ourselves that we have all of our symptoms (when we are actually not). 

Ask for help.

Just like the other basic thing, this is the most important part of our-trying-to-be-better journey. It’s not gonna be easy to tell others, but if you feel like it, talk first to your closest ones. It could be your anyone you trust enough. If you think it doesn’t help, ask for professional help. Or just go straight to a pro. Talk to them. 

Finding the best for yourself. 

It doesn’t have to be a psychiatrist like I do, if you don’t feel like it, you can always try or seek from different help, such as psychologist, or go to yoga class, meditation class and many other possibilities. I’m open to anything that suits you best. 

The best here is not the most expensive, or the most famous one. But finding the one who you can talk to in regular basis and trust wholeheartedly. I went for different doctors before I meet this one. 

Being discipline on the therapy and taking the meds. 

Okay, since I go to psychiatrist, I will write what I’ve been doing the whole time with her. 

I see her every 2 weeks, and discuss many things I experienced during the timeframe. I take what have been prescribed for me regularly. And as a company to my meds, I also write journal (or also blog like this) to keep track the symptoms and as part of the psychotherapy. 

Follow the stream. Or not. 

It is not a guarantee that you will be get better in a week or two. It could take months, or even years. It depends and you don’t have to force yourself to get better anytime soon. But, if you think you get better as soon as within weeks or months, embrace it. Don’t feel guilty about it. It’s not impossible, that all the helps you seek could sparks your breathing-only-life-phase further to really living.

And the hardest part.. Feeding it. 

Tomorrowland is one of my again-and-again-rewatch movie. In this movie, they told one of 21st century famous American native’s legend of two wolves. The lines goes like this: 

Casey Newton: "There are two wolves" … You told me this story my entire life, and now I'm telling you: There are two wolves and they are always fighting. One is darkness and despair, the other is light and hope. Which wolf wins?
Eddie Newton: C'mon, Casey.
Casey Newton: Okay, fine, don’t answer.
Eddie Newton: Whichever one you feed.
Casey Newton: Good. Eat.

This lines stuck in my head for a long time. And it was really hard to open myself and feed the light and hope while I thought darkness and despair were two of my good company the whole time. 

Mood stabiliser doesn’t work like cocaine. They are not there for you so you can do all the vague flowery activities with so much energy instantly. 

To feed it is hard because it is only us who can do it to ourselves. Only you know how to feed it, or which one you want to feed, or with what you want to feed it. But, let me give you a cheat. Do something regularly. You can do anything and it doesn’t have to be pompous. 

Mine is: to go out from my bedroom. I don’t always talk to anyone if I still don’t want to. But I still try to go out of my room everyday even if I have to cry 3 hours before I do it.

—ps. I know you won’t be cure instantly after reading/doing this.