Dolphin breath with consciousness. They decide whether they want to continue to breath or no. Almost all of my life, I hope I could be just like them, so whenever I feel like it, I will be able to stop continuing my day.
I bet most of us have experienced the breathing-but-not-really-living time of our life. And for someone with depression, it goes on a long and frequent basis. But the ‘good’ thing is we breath unlike dolphin, so without no choice, we automatically continue to live.
But what’s living anyway?
From many definitions of it, one really caught my eyes.
It means to “have an exciting or fulfilling life”. This definition means to enjoy oneself, to enjoy life, to have fun, and to live life to the fullest. The simplest yet the most complicated concept. A verb to feel, but also a noun to live by.
Having almost lose myself to the evil thoughts so many times, it makes me think on how should I appreciate my live. Every time I survived, I asked myself again, “what did you have in mind before you decided to take your live?”. From many of suicide attempts, I wished my life was easier, and someone would try to look for me, reassure me to stop or save me.
Thanks to many weird things during the prime times, even though what I wished was never happened, I survive until now. And this question that keeps repeating overtime leads me to a very naive thinking that ‘I’m pretty sure anyone with suicidal thoughts have the same wishing. At least deep down. Unspoken.’
But what’s living anyway?
If it also means to supply oneself with the means of subsistence, then I’d ask myself another question again and again, “how to make myself feel alive?” Until now, I haven’t find out about it yet. But from my last wish every time I try to take my life away, I want to be that someone, who kind and caring, and make my life feels a bit easier.
Maybe, maybe it will make me feel more alive.
Tidak ada komentar:
Posting Komentar