6th sense and what not.

what doesn’t kill you, gives you content. 

that’s what the meme said. 

Throughout my life, I think, I (and we all do) encounter many things that failed to kill me (or us). And I guess I should started to write about things that didn’t success to kill me.

On this first post, I will tell you a background story about my blog and why I decided to write it down. 

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Ghost? Future predicting? Eerie sounds? Mind reading? Exorcism? 

That’s what usually people associating 6th sense with. And mine was almost everything people associating with. I saw ghosts, heard eerie scary sounds during random times, having intrusive disturbing thoughts, experienced nightmares came true which I thought was my ability to predict future, and of course done many exorcisms in order to get myself better. I could write about this “paranormal” experiences for the whole season of Netflix US series, but I’m so sorry that things should escalate quickly on this first post.

Jump to March 2017, I was working in a cultural center in Bandung, Indonesia. One day my boss caught me for crying in the middle of big employee meeting. It wasn’t related to anything. We talked after the meeting, and with super innocent and trusting, I talked to her about how I’ve been severely depressed and tried to attempt many suicides. She gave me positive feedbacks and advised me to took days leave and that was what I did. 

Out of sudden, I received an E-mail which I thought was a support to my condition. It was stated that I should go to see a shrink in order to get working dispensation every time my depression kicked in.  The day after I received the E-mail, we had a meeting about it and they handed me an agreement letter which does not support my condition at all. The support that I saw as an enlightenment turned into a nightmare. There should be a letter that I’m under doctor care or I will be kicked out from the office. I, who didn’t want to go at the first place because I don’t want to take meds for my depression, dragged myself for a therapy for the sake of doctor’s statement letter and for the sake to keep my job safe.

Days after I handed my shrink’s statement letter felt like hell. My depression was not getting better and my boss keep on ‘suggesting’ me to resign because she said depressed people can not work. 

Oh fkity fk, long story short, they were still resign-forced me (cause firing was illegal lol), and I left my job at the end of the year. 

My depression did not getting better at all, but thanks to them I was at least seeing a doctor and got myself a professional help. My days filled with therapies and shrink-seeking simultaneously. Until I finally met my current doctor, who is a pretty cool one and got me detailed diagnosed. On our 2nd session she asked if I ever experienced all my 6th sense experiences. And when I told her I got 6th sense, she said, “Well I think it's actually your depression.” 

Oh fk. Now, I don’t know If I even had 6th sense back then. 

In order to track my “paranormal activities”, my doctor wants me to write a journal everyday. What am I thinking, who am I ‘meeting’ that day, what do I hear, what kind of intrusive thoughts I have, how I handled it, and how I feel at the end of the day. I bought a book for it, but it seems useless. I hardly write anything at all there. And that’s why I’m here all over again, trying to write my first blog post (for the probably 10th time. I had many neglected blogs lol) as an alternative of my daily journal.

Lets just hope, that I keep my blog alive as I try to stay alive at the same time. 

xx